Monday, September 12, 2011

What would happen if the economy fails

This is a question we often ask ourselves but are generally afraid to put into words to ask anyone else because we figure nobody knows what’s going to happen as the economy fails.  So I am going to go out on a limb here and say that I do know where our failing economy is going to bring us.  To start with we have to take a good hard look at the problem.

   To attempt to explain how things came to be as they are we can begin by looking at how farm produce was priced in 1946.  At that time farmers were receiving 100% parity for their products.  In other words, the price of farm goods was proportionate to that of non-farm goods being produced and sold in this country.  Then laws were passed concerning agricultural products, and the farmer gradually went from receiving 100% parity just  after WWII to receiving less than 50% parity today.  The money that the farmer doesn't see now shows up in the economy in such forms as taxes, interest, insurance premiums and government jobs.  At full parity, everyone benefits; when the producers of new wealth, be it corn, natural gas or milk, receive fair compensation for their products, the money runs through the whole economy.  This is how everyone gets paid, from the farmer or the miner, through the processing, manufacturing and marketing operations, all the way to the distributors and vendors of the final products.  It is not a matter of bargaining; if the money doesn't enter the system at the raw materials level, it simply won't be there as capital for the rest of the economy to use.  There is a direct relation between the price the farmer is paid and the price the average worker is paid; an increase in earnings for the first means an increase in earnings for the second, so that the plight of the farmer is in fact identical to the plight of the city dweller.  When the farmer and the average worker are cheated,  when businessmen steal the new wealth and hire foreign labor to process it, the money remains at the top of the economic ladder to be doled out as the bankers, politicians and businessmen see fit.  The reason for our high level of debt is that since consumers cannot consume production from their earnings they must borrow to do it, thus profiting bankers and businessmen even further.  It seems inevitable that as more and more of the nation's money is controlled by fewer and fewer people, the middle class will start to collapse, forcing more and more of the people to live at poverty level.

 I think we all agree that this scenario is already happening in our economy.  Many people think that a political move or a new technology is going to turn this situation around.  I don’t believe this will ever happen.  What I believe is the pressure and fear everyone is feeling about the economy will continue until it precipitates a new evolutionary break through in our cultural make up.  This new evolutionary break through will consist of a leap in our conscious awareness from an economy where we produce what we need through our intellect and ego out of fear, to an economy where we produce what we need through an expanded awareness of our ability to produce out of love.  As our intellect and ego prove less and less capable of relieving the pressure of the poverty mind set we find ourselves in, our soul consciousness will move us toward a situation in which we will be capable of producing our own new wealth through our ability to love.
I realize that this sounds too far fetched to consider as a solution to our economic problem so I will now post something my step-dad wrote when he first started our dairly business which has lasted over 20 years.

When we bought the cows( which was my wifes' idea)
everyone we knew agreed we had no chance of making it
work. I looked at the endeavor as a spiritual
experience right from the start.  Getting the money to
buy the cows,  finding and setting up a barn to move them to,
hauling away the manure with just a young green
pair of horses, and feeding them with no land and no
equipment was all one miracle after another for me.
  For a year we milked the 30 or so cows we bought
and lived off the sale of the milk.  Then one day the
man we were renting the barn from decided he was going
to quit his job and milk cows for a living.  He
figured if idiots like us could make it, he should
have no trouble at all.  So he wanted us out of his
barn right away.  I remember telling Kathy we had to
wait for God to come into the barn.
    Things got very tense after awhile because the
owner didn't want us there.  I told a friend to watch
closely because I was going to pass a herd of cows
through the eye of a needle.  And sure enough God came
into the barn in the form of a cattle dealer who moved
us to our third barn 50 miles away.  After landing on
the farm a man I didn't know came up and told me he
was going to take back his mower.  I told him that at
this point in my life I didn't think anyone had the
power to take away anything I really needed.  He never
did take that mower away.

 So with our increased conscious awareness we will start to deal more directly with nature. And with our soul consciousness leading us we will find ourselves more in harmony with nature and our sense of family and community will be empowered.  Here is a post my mom wrote when describing our life style;

My husband Dennis and I bought a small herd of dairy cows ten years ago. Both of us

college-educated, both recovering from devastating divorces, we were 37 at the time, living

a simple life without telephone or television, hauling cord wood from the farm we were care

taking with our draft horses to support ourselves. We had a savings of $5000 and no other

possessions to speak of; yet a bank agreed to lend us the money for the cows.

Through the years the cows have remained the central thread of our lives, around which a

tapestry, so to speak, has been woven. One puts one's essence into them and they, thriving,

return the favor. For me the simple act of milking has time and again dispelled my fears.

For me it was the cows; for Dennis it was more the horses, at first simply his relationship with

them and later what they did together-- the spreading of manure, the planting, the harvesting.

And we are ever captivated by the idea of creating something out of nothing, the idea that through

the act of creating comes your sustenance. We have learned that somehow, if we milk our cows

work our horses and stay together, everything will be all right.

But at first it was just the struggle. We knew very little about cows and farming, and we

were renting a farm in Massachusetts where, it seems, farming even with tractors has become obsolete.

The barn was dilapitated and the machinery in varying stages of disrepair, so as we worked

and slowly paid off our loan we looked for a farm to buy.

There is no rational explanation for the fact that we settled on a 110-acre farm in Western

Pennsylvania previously owned by an old order Amishman. It simply seems that it was pre-destined.

when at last we moved we had the strong feeling of finally being where we were suppose to be,

and that we were suddenly protected from the onslaught of the raging and unfathomable forces

which constantly beseiged us and against which we had no defense.

From the beginning the Amish steadied us and helped us. We began to assemble the necessary

horse-drawn machinery and learn the fine art of farming the simple way. Often it was a

case of finding out how a neighbor was doing a certain task and doing the same thing. We

have developed variations, often because we have less help available.

As we became more interconnected with our Amish neighbors we came to understand the basic

premise underlying their philosophy; your own well-being and success depends on that of your


It was a hot, dry windy October afternoon when our barn caught fire. We were preparing for

our third winter in Pennsylvania by adding on a space to the existing barn for bred heifers.

We had both been sick off and on for an entire year and felt over-burdened by the amount

of work. Dennis' son, recently married, had decided against coming to live on the farm.

My daughter, Sue, was doing her best to help out with the chores and all the work of making a dairy work but in the end there was too much

stress and work, and something broke.

Within an hour the barn was down and probably half of the community had arrived. Our cows

were gathered in a neighbor's barn and trucked three or four at a time to surrounding

Amish barns. Meantime, the eldest Amishman arranged for a rental situation for us until

we could rebuild. The next day 20 Amishmen assembled at the rented barn to make things ready;

the following day we moved the cows in and shipped milk once again.

The following Monday a dozen teams and wagons hauled away the debris and with the fire

finally extinguished rebuilding started in earnest. Teams worked in the wood hauling logs

for beams, and each morning a crew of 20 men showed up for work at the barn site. Dennis

and I took care of the cows mornings; silage had to be moved over there and manure had to

be hauled; afternoons Dennis worked with the crew and sometimes I had time to bake a cake

or some pies for them. Evenings we returned to the rented barn to milk.

The barn raising took place exactly a month to the day later. Two hundred people

(mostly Amish, although some English farmers came too), ate two meals here that day, and

as the sun set the last of the metal roofing was nailed on. Three more weeks were required

to finish the barn.

The Amish foreman could see that we still needed help and agreed to allow his teen-aged son

David to work with us during plowing, planting and harvesting time. As David and Dennis

spend time together they learn from each other; our experience is truly an interesting

blend of two cultures.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Status Quo

We all cling to our status quo in one form or another.  Where we live, who we interact with, how we make our living are examples of concepts in our mind that materialize every morning the second we open our eyes.  The status quo surrounds us like a ship taking us where we want to go and protecting us from falling into the endless ocean that surrounds us.  Everyone of course wants to have as much control over where the ship is going as possible because if you find your ship going in a direction you don't want to go in, than you become a prisoner on board your own ship.  And what's even worse than the fact that you lost control of your own ship is the fact that you suspect the captain, who stole control away from you, doesn't really know where he's going either.  So you get to the point where you want to change the status quo.
  Mostly, I find, people try to get back the control of their own ship by overpowering the ones in control by the very means they used to get control away from you.  So basically your life consists of a kind of mutiny against those in control or if you have control your mind is always occupied with how to keep control.  The problem however, never gets solved.  Whether your a prisoner on your own ship or the captain on a ship full of prisoners, you are still a victim of the status quo.  You are never going to get to where you need to be.
  There are a few people who have figured out the answer to this problem.  You have to let go of the status quo and become the empty boat.  You stop trying to control others and when somebody reaches into your inner being to control you, they find no handles to control you with.  When people have any complaints about the position or direction of your boat, they go to complain to the captain but find your boat is empty. There is nobody to complain to because the only thing you want out of life is your own destiny.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Death of my Mare

A few days ago my mare who was about 20 years old died. I had to put her down with a 22. Now I remember when I bought her at an auction. My step dad took me to the auction and let me bid. I was in my late teens at the time. I bid on the first two sets of teams coming through the ring and was the high bidder at around 2000$ per team. But after the bidding stopped on each team the owner didn’t think he wanted to part with the teams for that low price. Before the third team came out I was so in the rabbit hole that I had to ask my step dad to tell me what I bid on the last team . Then a pair of mares came out and I bid up to 1800$ and bought them. Mandy (the mare who just died) was one of the mares. I trained the team and was there for when each of them had a foal. And even milked them by hand when I took them away from the farm and their foals to pick up corn at other Amish farms. I spent years in the field with these horses until Mandy’s mate died and then I used Mandy for many years after that.

So the other day she didn’t come back to the barn and I had to go into the woods to find her. She had laid down and couldn’t get up so I tried to move her into a better position but she was just not going to be able to get up. At this point I felt I had to stop her suffering, or my suffering. At that point I couldn’t tell the difference. I think when you love, you create an opening for the suffering of the world to enter your life. And so my mom, step day and I were there when I put the gun to her head and pulled the trigger. It was a very sacred moment for all of us and when she stopped breathing, the pain and suffering stopped for all of us. And when I walked away the conviction of,”WE WILL MEET AGAIN GIRL” reverberated through my being.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Spiritual relationships in Cyber Space

Having relationships on line is fun but the effects of computer relationships can leak through to your real physical life. We know this is true for romantic relationships but it is also true for spiritual relationships.

I was involved in a spiritual relationship with a guy who could send amazing amounts of energy through this computer. We both just kept getting higher and higher. I would leave the computer and the buzz would still be happening all day long. Finally I told him I thought we were very high on the mountain and the fall would be disastrous if either one of us were to make a mistake.

He was having a physical relationship with a girl who he got pregnant and right at this time she had a miscarriage. He was devastated and our relationship came to an end.

Then a few months later he turned up on my computer and we started our spiritual relationship again. I told him the world would come for anyone who got too close to me if he wasn't spiritually pure enough. So finally I had to stop the relationship before anything bad happened in his life again.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

What to do with a man who is a selfish slob

 I read a blog the other day by a woman who wrote a dissertation proving her ex-husband was a selfish, inconsiderate slob.  And after reading her post I had to agree with her.  Although most of us who are of the female persuasion, realize most men fall into this category, more or less.  What we don't know is what to do about this fact of life.  In the case of this woman who wrote the blog, she decided to leave the slob and never look back.  So I left a comment which in effect said that she did indeed marry the slob for better or worse and maybe there were things to learn about this situation she found herself in.  And I asked if she thought leaving him was the answer to her problems.  She answered back right away and said the yes, she had solved her problems by leaving him.

  And many women feel this way.  So now I ask all women who take this way out, will you live alone or will you try to find a man who isn't a selfish slob?  Living alone for a woman can be hell in our culture.  There is lots of pressure to find a man to take care of us.  So occasionally I succumb to the pressure and find a boyfriend who I know in my heart will turn out to be a selfish slob if given a chance to show his true colors.  But I've come to the conclusion that I shouldn't let that stop me.  I try to relate in a loving way which usually brings out the worst in a selfish man who is a slob.  But the answer really isn't to leave them, the answer is to keep loving them until they can't stand it anymore and leave you.  For example, I've had occasions where men would yell at me for a long period of time calling me all kinds of unpleasant names and I would respond with something like, "I am not a phucking whore, I am a child of God."  You just can't imagine what this does to your average self-centered slob.  If he can't stop you from loving him, then for sure he will be the one to leave the relationship and then when you pick your next man you will have a better chance of finding someone who isn't as bad.  I'm not saying you're going to find Mr Right, I'm just saying you may find Mr Not so Scary.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

God and the Cattle Hauler

I remember being on the phone with this cattle dealer who was very upset with me because I trucked some heifers with someone else. He was in the habit of dorking with me whenever he had the chance, so I didn't feel bad for him at all. I took the phone away from my ear while he was calling me all kinds of nasty horrible things, and I said, "This isn't God." and hung up. Now he knew I always have a need to truck cattle and he basically was the only game in town and we both felt that I needed him and that's why he could be mean to me if he felt like it. But in spite of my need, I had effectively pissed him off to the point where he would never come back.

  One of his favorite ways of dorking with me was to grab my ass while nobody was looking and on all of these occasions I held back from slapping his face because I didn't want to make a scene where the dairy would be without a cattle hauler. But finally, my hanging up on him pretty much gave him the message that I was not going to take anymore of his crap. My mom and the Amish boy who works for us were very upset with the fact that now we had no way of moving our animals. But my step dad knew one way or another he would handle the situation if I couldn't. Which didn't make me feel any better because I always feel like sh*t when he picks up the pieces of what I couldn't handle. Anyways I told everyone that if the dairy needed an idiot like that then it didn't deserve to keep running. That may have been true but it didn't make anyone any happier. So you stand up for what you know is right but the applause meter reads very low and you end up with a whole lot of stress for bumming out the people you care about. But it always comes down to this no matter who you are or what you are doing. You take a step toward freedom, or truth or love and you suffer for it. And if you say in your heart, "I hope I don't lose this or that," you're pretty much screwed. You have to wake up everyday and say to yourself or anyone who will listen,"I rather have nothing than let that idiot grab my ass anytime he wants." And after a little more suffering or sometimes a lot more suffering the material world will crack and God will take that cattle dealer out of your life and provide for your material needs. For sure this will happen. This is not a prayer to God which goes unanswered most of the time. This is a set of circumstances that will happen 100% of the time. The material world will crack when confronted with a strong pure mind with a just cause.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Is Writing worth while

I go back and forth on this issue.  Mostly people want to be entertained and that includes me.  But I find if I write with the idea of trying to entertain, then my writing doesn't flow and it becomes work trying get people off.  So I write mostly because it feels good to drag my thoughts up from the depth of my being and present them to the world for what they are worth.  Generally the feed back tells me that not many people are interested in my deepest thoughts.  Often times they don't even understand what I'm trying to say.  But I keep writing anyway and if I start getting upset because I'm not getting enough attention then I know I'm placing too much value on what people think and not enough value on the experience of writing down my thoughts without attachment.  And for me this is always my goal, to come to the surface with my thoughts and desires without attachment. 

  Lately I'm doing this kindle blogging for money.  (I get 30 cents for each subscription and believe me I haven't gotten rich yet)  But writing for money is just one more way attachment sneaks up on you and tries to get you excited about making money or bummed out if you don't make any.  So I only write when the energy feels good and then once in a while somebody reads what I wrote and shares the good energy I put into my writing, and I am content with this.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

My Old Mare

 I was out in the woods today with my wagon and team of older horses.  The mare is 20 plus years old and the gelding is just a little younger.  Now this is very old for horses but when you spend a lot of time with a horse, it is really hard to sell her and buy a young horse which you know will give you more trouble than she's worth for a few years until she is trained to fit into your program.  Some horses never get really trained and you have to put up with their bad habits for as long as you own them. 

  So last week my old mare fell down in the stall and had a lot of trouble getting up because the floor was slippery.  I had to get my truck and pull her to the door where she pushed herself out onto the dirt yard where her back legs were able to dig into the ground and she was able to get herself up.  She was however stiff from thrashing around in the stall so I didn't use her until today to see if she was still able to pull her own weight around here.  Well she did fall again but it was mostly my fault because I was backing her where she tripped over some rotting wood.  I unhitched her and told her to get up and she did.  Then I put her back on the wagon, loaded up some wood and she did fine bringing the wood back to the wood pile.

  So twice now within a matter of a week I got to watch an animal, whom I love, teeter on the brink of death.  Now this kind of experience makes one feel very vulnerable.  We try to minimize the pain and vulnerability by thinking I can buy another horse or shit happens.  But with love we become aware of the fact that everything and everybody is not replaceable.  You just feel the loss between you and the object you love until your karmic debt is paid.  And that karmic debt is paid in time and distance between you and the next object you need to project your love onto.  In this case my horse got up and our relationship continued after only a few minutes of extreme suffering on my part.  But this suffering, which happens when a love object is taken away, can last years sometimes.   And this is why many people do not let themselves love.  But love is the only reality, everything else is illusion.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Finding Babaji

This is a story I really love;

Finding Babaji

On another occasion Babaji’s sacred circle was disturbed by the arrival of a stranger. He had climbed with astonishing skill to the nearly inaccessible ledge near the camp of the master.

“‘Sir, you must be the great Babaji.’ The man’s face was lit with inexpressible reverence. ‘For months I have pursued a ceaseless search for you among these forbidding crags. I implore you to accept me as a disciple.’

“When the great guru made no response, the man pointed to the rocky chasm at his feet.

“‘If you refuse me, I will jump from this mountain. Life has no further value if I cannot win your guidance to the Divine.’

“‘Jump then,’ Babaji said unemotionally. ‘I cannot accept you in your present state of development.’

“The man immediately hurled himself over the cliff. Babaji instructed the shocked disciples to fetch the stranger’s body. When they returned with the mangled form, the master placed his divine hand on the dead man. Lo! he opened his eyes and prostrated himself humbly before the omnipotent one.

“‘You are now ready for discipleship.’ Babaji beamed lovingly on his resurrected chela. ‘You have courageously passed a difficult test. Death shall not touch you again; now you are one of our immortal flock.’ Then he spoke his usual words of departure, ‘Dera danda uthao’; the whole group vanished from the mountain.

This is a commentary by a friend of mine who also lives in the the rabbit hole;

Yes sireee Beloved Princess Now we’re talking…

Babaji is our Boogey Board on which we ride, and regardless of whether we paddle along on endless calm or Shoot the gnarliest Tube on earth, it is Babaji which supports and sustains all our activities. And should we get caught in a WIPEOUT, rest assured, our Babaji Board is attached with a Short Cord and doesn’t get far away… So bring on the Waves, all your polar fluxing duality, and shoot me high or crash me down either way there is between the energy and myself always the old reliable Babaji Board… You can come on Safari with me, but I’m already there, which is why I am able to Invite You along…

Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Episode

  It's been years now that this guy, Kent, has been stalking me.  He shows up at the farm when I'm by myself and we get into these heated discussions which would unnerve anyone who isn't guru material.  This last time was just out of this world.  He already had one involuntary commitment under his belt when he showed up at my door a few months ago.  And as always the conversation turned ugly with yelling and screaming until I got so fed up that I picked up the phone and told him I was going to dial 911 if he didn't leave me alone.  That just got him more upset and he gave me a shove and started walking down the road in the freezing rain.  I knew he had nowhere to go and if he didn't end up dead, he would probably be back to harass me further.  By this time the police were on the line wanting information.  I figured it would be a blessing for Kent if the police picked him up and saved him from him self.  So I told the police where he was walking down the road.

 Then a police car pulled into the yard and the police officer wanted to know what happened.  I told him how Kent had threatened me and pushed me but I didn't want him to be arrested.  I just felt he needed help.  So the officer said he could pick him up on a 302 if the professional people involved thought that was the thing to do.  Well I had been to a session with Kent and his psychiatrist and even at that time he attacked me and the psychiatrist had to stop him.  So I called the psychiatrist and let him talk to the police officer.  Then I called up the crisis worker, who also was aware of Kent's condition, and she issued the 302.  That meant the police could pick him up and drive him to the nearest psych clinic for an evaluation.  The crisis worked sent one of her staff to the hospital and I had to go myself to provide all the necessary information.  Before the doctor saw Kent, he tried to leave twice and the crisis worker and hospital staff had to restrain him.  Then he was brought to another psychiatric hospital by the sheriff and was under lock and key for three days.  During that three days they issued a 303 on him to keep him an extra week.  During that week he refused to take any medication so six big male nurses had to hold him down while the doctor gave him a shot.  That seemed to change his religion and after another two weeks they let him go.

  Needless to say he hates my guts now, but he can't be any meaner to me than what he has already been.  God told me not to worry because He wouldn't let Kent torture me to death.  So I'm going with that.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Plight of the Dairy Farmer

The issue before us is “Why can’t the dairy farmer price his own milk?” or “The plight of the dairy farmer”.


  The simple answer to this question is that things are set up that way.  To attempt to explain how things came to be as they are we can begin by looking at how farm produce was priced in 1946.  At that time farmers were receiving 100% parity for their products.  In other words, the price of farm goods was proportionate to that of non-farm goods being produced and sold in this country.  Then laws were passed concerning agricultural products, and the farmer gradually went from receiving 100% parity just  after WWII to receiving less than 50% parity today.  The money that the farmer doesn't see now shows up in the economy in such forms as taxes, interest, insurance premiums and government jobs.  At full parity, everyone benefits; when the producers of new wealth, be it corn, natural gas or milk, receive fair compensation for their products, the money runs through the whole economy.  This is how everyone gets paid, from the farmer or the miner, through the processing, manufacturing and marketing operations, all the way to the distributors and vendors of the final products.  It is not a matter of bargaining; if the money doesn't enter the system at the raw materials level, it simply won't be there as capital for the rest of the economy to use.  There is a direct relation between the price the farmer is paid and the price the average worker is paid; an increase in earnings for the first means an increase in earnings for the second, so that the plight of the farmer is in fact identical to the plight of the city dweller.  When the farmer and the average worker are cheated,  when businessmen steal the new wealth and hire foreign labor to process it, the money remains at the top of the economic ladder to be doled out as the bankers, politicians and businessmen see fit.  The reason for our high level of debt is that since consumers cannot consume production from their earnings they must borrow to do it, thus profiting bankers and businessmen even further.  It seems inevitable that as more and more of the nation's money is controlled by fewer and fewer people, the middle class will start to collapse, forcing more and more of the people to live at poverty level.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011


The Great Way is not difficult

for those not attached to preferences.

When neither love nor hate arises,

all is clear and undisguised.

Separate by the smallest amount, however,

and you are as far from it as heaven is from earth.

If you wish to know the truth,

then hold to no opinions for or against anything.

To set up what you like against what you dislike

is the disease of the mind.

  I am usually aware of the fact that everyone eventually eats her own karma and there is perfect balance in the universe between right and wrong and good and bad, pleasure and pain etc. But on a mortal illusionary level, upon which we all work out, we are presented with the appearance of unjust suffering. So the governments of the world set up courts to correct this situation (which really doesn't need fixing in the first place) but it is a grand attempt to convince the mortal world that the most powerful ego gets to decide who should do the suffering and who should end up with the pleasure to balance things off. And if we fall for this illusion we are totally lost.

But I've come to the conclusion that even on this illusionary, mortal plane, it doesn't have to be the biggest ego who doles out pleasure and pain. An aware person can enter these games and be the one to decide where the balance between right and wrong, pleasure and pain should fall. This is not the great way or enlightenment but it is an interesting mental, spiritual exercise for me.

 And so you ask,"What is the aware person aware of?"  And the answer is;

 “Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

 Blessed are those who mourn,

for they will be comforted.

 Blessed are the meek,

for they will inherit the earth.

 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they will be filled.

 Blessed are the merciful,

for they will be shown mercy.

 Blessed are the pure in heart,

for they will see God.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

How your world looks from the perspective of your God self

I can't say this enough.  It's very important that you gradually let go of your intellect and ego as the prime movers in your life and voluntarily let your God self take control.  At the beginning of your life the world will help you develop your intellect and ego for the purpose of using you.  Then at some point the world will discard this illusionary you, forcing you to come to terms with your God self.  And often times this means death or insanity.  The way to break away from your intellect and ego and merge with your God self is through love.  Find someone or something in this world which you are willing to give up your life for, and that should do it.

  So you get to the point where you say yes I will follow this other person even though I think I will end up dead because of this incredibly stupid move he or she is about to make.  So you leave your ego and intellect screaming in the dust and follow this person who you love.  Well I'll tell you right here and now that you will not die at this point.  Nobody gets off that easy.  You will find the world is willing to arrange circumstances for you and the person you love to survive this incredibly stupid move.  Then your intellect will shout in your mind,"But only this once, if you try this again I'll have to let you die."  But for some reason, even you can't figure out, you keep following this insane person who you love and everyday you look your own death in the eye but he never quite drags you down into your grave.  So after a few years of this, if you're as stupid as I am, you start to wonder about the credibility of your intellect and ego.  This is the point where the insane person that you loved all these past few years, leaves you and does his best to destroy you on the way out.

  So you walk down the road with nothing but the post hypnotic suggestion from your lover, that it is time to put an end to your miserable existence.  But at this point a very strange thing happens.  You hear laughter coming from the core of your being and you realize that laughter is coming from your God self welcoming you home.

Friday, July 8, 2011

More thoughts on God self

   Let's look at how our life is meant to unfold. We're born into this world from the love our parents have for each other. Then as we grow physically, our God self is nourished by this love between our mother and father. Our parents help us develop an intellect and ego which will help us deal with the physical reality our God self finds herself in. But this intellect and ego is only meant to be a protective shell which will crack open when our God self is ready to make her appearance in the world. At this point our God self creates her own intellect and ego out of love and for the purpose of materializing love in the world. Always this intellect and ego will be a tool and a servant of our God self. Then at the right time and place, when our mission on this plane is accomplished, our God self will let go of our intellect, ego and body and move on to a higher realm.

It doesn’t seem very difficult or complicated. What causes all the trouble is when love is betrayed. If your parents give into fear and betray love, then the intellect and ego that develops won't crack open at the right time and our God self will enter the world as a monster to all intellects and egos which were developed out of fear. And so walls are erected between our God self and the egos of the world to keep this monster from taking control. And it seems our God self has no need to enter this illusionary world of the intellect and ego and will let ignorance reproduce itself until it gets tired of it's off-spring.

  But then once in awhile, a God self enters the world and is drawn to complete her mission of love in spite of her intellect and ego.  She creates her own world out of love which threatens the existence of the illusionary world around her.  All these egos rally together for the purpose of erasing her existence from this plane.  At this point she lets go of her intellect, ego and body and leaves behind her love which will grow and over come the world.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Leting your God self out to play

I just learned the other day that when you get in touch with your God self and let her out to play, you also release the God selves of the people in your world.  I always thought this was a great and wonderful experience filled with joy. So I could never understand why almost everyone is very reluctant to let their God self come to the surface.  The answer, of course, is because as the God self rises to the surface, She takes control away from the intellect and ego and shines Her light of truth into the dark places of the personality and exposes the ego and intellect as usurpers to the thrown of the kingdom of God.

  So this explains why there is so much fear and pain as you let your God self come out to play.  Most people are very attached to their ego and intellect and when I meet someone or even write my blogs, people can feel the stirring of their God self crossing the lines that their ego and intellect have worked so hard all their lives to lay down.  And so the un-spoken and un-written agreement is, "Let's not disturb our God selves."  But I find that once the God self is out of the bag, it's impossible to stuff Her back in again. 

  And I find the longer she stays on the surface, the stronger She becomes and the more the little egos and intellects of the world become afraid of Her.  I guess, dear friends, this is just part of our evolving nature.  The cry of the ego is might is right and the cry of the intellect is the smart should dominate the stupid.  But it's in among the weak and stupid that this God self is most likely to be brought forth into this world.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

A Resume

A resume tends to define a person.   Usually we list all our job positions, our qualifications, and accomplishments with the hope to sell ourselves to the highest bidder.  But this resume defines my life from a different perspective, with the hope of selling nothing to anybody.  It's just me looking back over the events that stand out in my life and are important to me.

  I was exposed to school but nothing stands out in my mind about the experience and not a whole lot was taken away from it.   What does stand out is the first time I fell in love.  I really fell head over heels for a guy and all the other important things in my life up to that point became meaningless.  Everyone in my world was totally grossed out by my new priority and consequently the world as I knew it fell away from me.  I lived in the consciousness of this first love and found it to be a real roller coaster ride.  I put him first in my life but he was un-willing or un-able to put me first and so one day I came crashing back to earth.  All my family and friends who I knew before I fell in love were not there to pick me up and tell me everything was going to be alright.  I ended up homeless and on the road with a back-pack full of everything I owned at the time.  I wandered around shell shocked like this for about a year before I fell in love again.

 By this time my spiritual awareness had taken a tremendous turn for the better.  I never compromised with the crap of the world and was determined to die rather than live without love.  So love came into my life in a way that I couldn't say no to even if I wanted.  This time I had nobody in my life to object to this love affair, but his world hated the idea of having their son mixed-up with a hobo girl.  But this time he stuck by me and I helped him materialize just about anything he wanted because I had no attachments of my own. 

  And so it goes still.  I am still in love and still materializing our world through love and the outside world is doing everything it can to stop us.  But because I spent my life trying not to play games, I have become the best game player around.  The world doesn't blatantly attack me anymore.  It keeps it's distance and waits for an opening in the hopes of eliminating a witness who sees through it's illusions.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Genghis Khan

Genghis Khan attacked an army of about 100,000 men with about 20,000 of his own men. So just before the larger army encircled his army and wiped them out, Genghis led his men on horses across the desert. Then the leader of the larger army sent half of his men after them, about 50,000 men. And so the chase began. Genghis and his men rode all that day with 50,000 of the enemy in hot pursuit. They rode all that night always keeping the enemy a safe distance behind. They rode all the next day and sometimes slowed up to eat and even some fell asleep in the saddle. Still the enemy pursued. All that night they kept riding and into the next day. Sometimes a man or two would fall from his horse and be trampled to death but near the end of the third day, Genghis gave the order to stop and face his enemy. Well by this time the 50,000 men who were chasing him could barely sit their horses anymore and were only a rag-tag army because the three day chase had exhausted both men and horses. Genghis and his men were the most hardened soldiers the world has ever seen and at that point he gave the order to charge and his army massacred his arrogant pursuers..

Likewise in my life there are people who have been following me with evil intent. I have led a hard disciplined life partly to stay out of the clutches of my arrogant enemies. Lately I have stopped and turned around to face my enemies. And what I see before me are people whose lives have been decimated in one way or another by life itself. I don’t even need to attack, they aren’t worth the bother anymore.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Materializing Desires

Well enough said about bad dates for now.  These last few posts are begging the question,"why do these horrid circumstances come into my life when all I want is to find someone who will return my love."  I think this question can apply to all of us who gaze on our own circumstances and wonder, WTF happened.  Basically there are two reasons for our lives to turn out less rewarding and meaningful than we had hoped.

  The first reason happens because our desires are low level.  By low level I mean we are attempting to materialize thoughts which are out of harmony with the virtues of love, freedom, truth, justice, etc.  When we come to understand that the desire to make money at any cost, for example, will eventually lead us to suffering, then we can elevate our thinking to desire the things we need which will enable us to proceed down the path of enlightenment.  When you get to the point in your life where the drama of your existence appears to you as a loss of all material possessions and even your physical life, and your only desire is to do the right thing, then you have mastered this first hurdle toward overcoming the pain of this world.

  The next hurdle is even harder to master.  The other way we bring pain and suffering into our world is through our relationship with other people.  We give them our consent to materialize what they want in our life for whatever reasons.  Like for example at our job, where we have to open up to the boss in order to keep working and keep earning money to pay our bills.  But what I'm saying here is when told to do a task which you know in your heart is not right for you, then you must refuse, even if it means losing your job.  If you do what you know is wrong because you are afraid of getting fired, then circumstances will develop in your life to cause pain and suffering.  If you do right in spite of the bad consequences your intellect is forecasting, then circumstances will configure to bring about peace and harmony in your life.  Sounds simple and easy.  Then why are there so few people alive who are living their lives by what they think is right?

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Keeping the world at Bay

 So I thought that after spending all my life in a school classroom listening to somebody up front filling my head with things I needed to know, I would graduate and the world would welcome me back with open arms.  Not true.  The world still didn't give a damn about me.  So here I am in this go nowhere, low level job at a chick hatchery scrapping chicken shit off of the incubator trays where they were hatched from.  Fortunately I can maintain a pretty high level of conscious awareness no matter what kind of situation I find myself in.  But my fellow workers aren't so gifted.  They usually spend their time in this washroom on a bummer that doesn't quit.  And they are always very verbal about how badly they are feeling.  Sometimes I take pity on them and try to raise their conscious awareness level by telling them how fortunate they are to be engaged in such high priority essential work.  After awhile I get them to smile and feel better about scrapping chicken droppings off the trays until the boss comes in and yells at us to make himself feel more important at our expense.  And then everybody falls back into their bummer, mentality, except me.

  The boss knows he can't get to me but he just can't figure out why I'm not afraid of him.  You would think that this would get him angry, but nooo.  The fact that he can't get to me only makes him like me even more and want to get into my pants if at all possible.  This happens to me alot when I stand up to men, it brings out the lust in them.  Now I don't do this as part of a sex game.  I genuinely keep them out of my mind because I know that once a control freak enters your mind, the next step is to get into your jeans. 

 But it's break time and as I enter the break room I see this new employee sitting on the floor reading a book called,"Autobiography of a Yogi,"  Even though everyone in the room is sitting at a table, I sit down next to him on the floor and tell him that I read that entire book from cover to cover.  We really do seem to have a spiritual link so he asks if he can see me sometime after work.  I'm still a little gun shy about dating men but I feel he's not a control freak or sex fiend so I figure, how bad can it be.

  So I show up at the appointed time in an agreed upon bar.  Kent, my new friend,  has started drinking without me and it seems he's already half in the bag by the time I sit down.  As I nurse my first beer, he keeps downing more beers until I can sense this is not going to have a happily ever after ending.  So I decide it's time for me to leave but as I stand up to go he gets really upset.  He starts yelling and calling me names which I'm kinda used to by now, but what really blind sided me was the amount of psychic emotional energy he was able to assault me with.  My mind reeled and fell back into itself, deeper and deeper into my being to escape this psychic on slot.  Finally my Sue personality fell away and I was pure light at the core of my being.  The darkness, which is the absence of light, disappeared as my inner light reached the surface to find Kent being manhandled by two big guys who must be workers at the bar.  They finally got Kent out the door and threw him onto the sidewalk.

  I went out and helped him up while he kept apologizing to me for being such a jerk in the bar.  I drove him home but didn't go in.  It was a few days later that I found out he had some kind of mental illness which gets triggered when he drinks.  Whatever it was that came at me that day in the bar was one mean, powerful entity.  I hadn't experienced anything like it since the last time I entered my step dad's mind.  His mind is very powerful also, but it isn't evil like the thing that came out of Kent, it's what I call enlightened.


Friday, June 10, 2011

Going out on a double date

 I know I really shouldn't give in to the pressure my girl friend puts on me to go out with her and her boy friend on a double date.  She said I could use a little male attention.  We were going to go out to eat at a restaurant and see what developed after.  I never know what to wear because I'm hardly ever out of jeans and a T-shirt or Sweat-shirt.  But tonight I find myself in a skirt and blouse, a bra (so my tits will be pointy and attract attention) and panty hose.  It's been a long time since I looked like this and it feels strange.
 But I guess when you're a girl you have to at least try to make yourself look pretty.  Which is pretty hard for me.  My girl friend Mary, her almost engaged boy friend, and my date, pick me up in front of the house as I run to the car.  Oh I forgot to mention I have on these weird shoes with heels that make it hard to walk and impossible to run.  I do manage to get to the car, however, and just about topple in on top of my date in the back seat.  As we untangle ourselves, I can feel his hand up my skirt as he extricates my body from his.  Great start. 

  He tells me his name is Brad and that I look lovely as I try to pull my skirt down to where my panties don't show.  I tell him that it is nice to meet him, which is the biggest lie I've told in a long time.  Mary looks over at us from the front seat and tells me that I clean up real nice.  I give her a phony smile and tell her how beautiful she looks tonight.  She giggles because she knows I'm just pulling her chain. 

   Then Brad attempts to engage me in small talk on the way to the restaurant.  He wants to know the usual stuff.  Have I ever been married?  Do I have a steady boy friend now?  Do I have any kids?  I tell him no to all the above but don't ask him anything because I just don't care about the women in his life.  I know I should be more friendly but I feel very vulnerable with a skirt on and feel like I need distance between us in order to feel comfortable.  I guess feeling vulnerable is also part of the female trip. 

 We get to the restaurant and even have a few drinks and everyone is hoping that I will relax and go with the flow.  After the meal, Mary's boy friend invites us over to his place for a few more drinks.  I knew this was coming because Mary and her friend are looking like they want to jump into each other pants.  We arrive at Joe's apartment (Joe is Mary's boy friend) and before you can say, "let's make out", Mary and Joe have escaped to Joe’s bedroom, leaving me and Brad on the couch watching television. 

  I admit that I have been called frigid but I don't let that bother me.  I just don't like to touch people who I really don't know and I don't like them to touch me either.  I've already let perfect strangers paw and grab and grope me.  Call me frigid or whatever, but it just doesn't turn me on.  I like to know and like the person who is going to take off my blouse and have his way with me.  I also like to know that I can let the other person know how far I want to go and he would respect my wishes.  Brad was your typical,"lets' go all the way" kind of guy.  But unfortunately for Brad, even though I had on a skirt, I was still stronger than he was from doing all the heavy work I do everyday on the farm.  So I pushed him off of me onto the floor and told him I could probably rape him easier than he could rape me so maybe we'd better do something else.   Of course he got pissed and started yelling at me until Mary and Joe came out of the bedroom in various stages of undress.   They calmed Brad down and thought it best if they drove me home.

   As I stepped out of the car in front of my house, I winked at Mary and said, "Well I guess that went well."

Friday, May 20, 2011


Willing Victim cont.

After hanging up the phone I knew I had to make my move right away before I lost my courage. So I left my biological dad’ in Massachusetts and with a backpack full of all my belongings I started walking down the road. I really didn’t feel I could go back to the farm in Pennsylvania with everyone thinking I was crazy. My step dad knew where I was coming from but you can never just go and physically be with him. In order to reach him, you have to expand your consciousness to his level. And that was exactly what I planned to do or die trying. So I started hitch-hiking to up state New York which is about 300 miles from where I was standing at the moment. I had heard there were lots of apple orchards there and I felt it wouldn’t be hard to get a job picking fruit. After all I was carrying around this official crazy label now so chances are I wasn’t going to make it big in the corporate world. Besides I had done some fruit picking and really liked the purity of the job. You just get paid for the amount of fruit you picked, no fancy resume required.

So I started hitch-hiking and got a ride right away. But by this time it was getting late and the driver asked if I had a place to stay for the night. I told him I had a tent which I could pitch just about anywhere. But he insisted I come home with him and eat something and then he would take me to a beautiful beach where I could pitch my tent. Of course I was scared, but figured my life was in the hands of God at this point so I agreed. So true to his word I found myself in his house, just me and him, eating a meal. I wasn’t really afraid of him or what he might do to me. I’m really good at picking up where people are at and he was just a normal guy. But to my surprise, I found myself very upset because I was lost. I didn’t know how to get back to the main highway and it was freaking me out. I really couldn’t tell if this guy was going to bring me back to the highway again. But he did bring me to the beach as promised, and it was a beautiful site to pitch my tent. I finally got rid of my fear of being lost by realizing my destination of picking fruit was pretty flimsy at best, so I decided I would rethink my destination in the morning if he didn’t show up and bring me to where I could continue my trip.

He did show up the next morning and took me to the entrance of the toll road I needed to take in order to get to the orchards I was traveling to. Unfortunately, they didn’t allow hitch-hikers on the toll road so I had to try to hitch a ride in front of the toll booth where people had to pay to enter this highway. I was standing in back of a sign where someone had spray painted the words,” No rides out of hell hole.” At first I thought it was amusing but after about 5 hours of thumbing, with night time setting in, I understood exactly what the author of this message was telling me. I found some bushes near by and pitched my tent and hoped for better luck in the morning.

But the next day was the same. No ride after another 5 or 6 hours. Finally I snapped and started hitch-hiking in the opposite direction with absolutely no idea as to where I was going. Now I figured this is insanity taking me over again and driving me over the edge into the abyss. Then a truck stopped and I got in and the driver asked me where I was going. That was the most difficult question anyone has ever asked me up to this point. He could see I was having trouble answering him so he told me he was going on the toll road but in the opposite direction that I was trying to go in. So I asked him if he could just get me past the toll booths so I could start hitching from the highway itself. He said sure and after paying his toll, he dropped me off on the road and I crossed over to the other side to continue my journey to find God. If a police car happened by, I would be picked up and made to pay a fine, but instead a car stopped and picked me up and brought me all the way to where I wanted to be,

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Willing Victim

I started posting this story and have added to it since. So I guess I'll just keep it going for awhile;

A Willing Victim

I live and work on this dairy farm with my mom and step dad. Mostly my step dad is more a guru to me than a parent and over the years we have attained a high level of conscious awareness together. My biological father, however, is having his mental problems and mostly I go and live with him to help him out mentally as well as do a little work on the horse farm he owns.

This winter my bio father and I got into an argument and I left the ranch and found an apartment and started doing some part time work at McDonalds to make ends meet. Now I'm a very spiritual person and spend a lot of time meditating. Even at the best of times I don't have a lot of attachment to the material world or what most people call the real world. Then one day I found I couldn't break my" trance like" meditative state and was unable to interact with the reality that used to be me. I could view my real world as though I was looking through a thick distorted glass, but I couldn't make contact with it. Now I was able to overcome my fear of death and stay calm but I felt I was trapped on this astral plane type of existence which made me feel very isolated.

Then I became aware of another presence and when it touched my mind I knew it to be my step dad. He was able to leave the material plane and find me here in never never land. He told me that what was happening to me usually happened to someone just before the soul left the illusion of personality and body behind and reincarnated. He thought in my case I would eventually gain control of my body again without going through the messy process of death. In the meantime he explained that my soul was running my body for the purpose of healing my dad which is what I came here to do. In a sense I was a willing victim. And through his mind I could see what was happening to my body on my material plane of existence.

It seems my bio father and his wife decided that I needed psychiatric help and got a lawyer who got a judge to sign a paper allowing my father to come and take me to the funny farm with the help of two policemen. For about a week he showed up at my apartment with the two policemen to drag me away to a mental health facility. But I was never there at the same time the police were, and I was able to elude being captured for awhile.

But eventually I was caught and taken away to the funny farm. I spent a couple of weeks there before they let me go into the loving care of my bio-father. He kept me there as his pet until one day my bio father called.
The telephone rings. I pick it up to discover my step-dad is on the other end.

"Hi sweetheart," I heard his darling voice say over the phone.

"Hi Dad," I replied. "I'm amazed you got me. I feel like I'm in solitary confinement here---no calls and no visitors."

"Well, your father is making a big deal of this situation. He's told your mother that in order to relate to you she has to leave me and come live in Massachusetts."

"What a shit head he can be."

"Nevertheless," my dad continued, “you have to get yourself out of there to stop your mother's pain and shift it onto the people who put this shit sandwich together. I would come and get you myself, but that would give the impression that I'm snatching you away, and this stupid game will start all over again. Best if you walk out the door, stick out your thumb and trust in God.”

“I’m ready for the exit out of here by any means,” I exclaimed.

“That’s good, because there will probably be a lot of resistance to overcome.”

“OK Dad, I’m out of here." I said with as much conviction as I could muster.

Sunday, May 8, 2011



This is a scary word for most people. It means a break with reality. But basically I've found, it's a label put on people who break from their intellect or ego. I find it interesting that everyone believes in schizophrenia but very few really believe in enlightenment. Both are a break from the reality of the intellect and ego but with enlightenment one finds peace and joy from the break while in schizophrenia, one finds confusion and resentment.

So what about the people who don't break from their intellect and ego. Well here's where we have a problem because these people always end up as either masters or slaves and for the aware person, one is the same as the other because both groups are never happy. So the master tries to exploit the slave to become happier while the slave tries to get out of the slave slot and become a master. There are some cases in which the intellect and ego try so very hard to manipulate the people around them that a break occurs in the personality and an intense period of suffering begins. This condition is usually labeled schizophrenia but can also be looked at as a time of pay back for the karmic debt accrued by the person who was motivated by her intellect and ego.

Now the person who is labeled is totally cut off from relating to the world as she has in the past.The only cure for this condition is love. So you need to make someone else's happiness and well being more important than your own, and then the pain will start to be replaced by peace and joy as you learn to love without attachment.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I’d like to thank Katy at
for thinking of me and awarding me with the stylish blogger award. That’s sweet. Before I get into the seven things about myself, I would like to say a little something about my friend Katy. There are light workers in the world. People who stand high on the mountain and let their light shine as a guide and beacon to the rest of us. And then there are people like Katy who are light warriors, who go into the dark places of this world and shine their light where it is needed most and where few of us ever dare to go. And it is because of these light warriors that horrid conditions like cancer, will in the end, be overcome.

So now on to seven things about myself;

1. I milk cows for a living and talk to animals

2. I have had a religious experience.( although everyone I know calls it a break-down )

3. I tend to go out with guys who are idiots.

4. Where ever I go, I never fit in.

5. Have trouble making other people understand where I'm coming from.

6. Don't use a persons' gender to determine whether or not I will fall in love with them.

7. Am always confronting my fears instead of running away from them.

And now it is my pleasure to aware the stylish blogger aware to a close friend of mine at; This lovely lady uses her blogs as a vehicle to reach out to people and bring them into her heart. And once there, we get to experience the beauty of her soul in a way that stylish only begins to describe.

So Katy, thanks again for thinking of me and sharing your thoughts.