Wednesday, December 29, 2010





I have a blog where I started this story about my relationship with David. Here is the link if you want to get updated; http://beherenow-suzzy.blogspot.com/2010/08/we-were-young-when-we-met-we-were-both.html#comments

So after he left I didn’t hear from him for two years before he came to visit. There were lots of people around when we finally saw each other again but that didn’t matter much to me. We just made this incredible contact and both of us fell into the rabbit hole while the people around us started doing their best to distract us from merging with each other. But we had spent almost 15 years living in each others’ mind and we both missed going to that special place where the magic happens. I told him that I owed him a debt that I could never repay. But he already knew that. We both needed certain things from the world at that particular time, which were crucial to our survival, and coming together like that was something that came natural to us when we had to materialize what we needed from the world. Finally we both came to the surface and went our separate ways again. And then, within a week of that meeting, the materialization we both needed happened for of us.

So it’s been another three years of not seeing him or hearing from him when the other day I get a letter from him telling me he’s coming for a visit. I can’t help thinking that there is something that he needs my help in materializing. But I have lived unattached to the surface for so long since he left that the world has nothing to offer me at this point. Besides, I don’t think it’s a material thing that he’s after. I’m sure by this time he’s found out that he can’t sell himself to the world the way he wants with my love still there, deep down inside his being.

I told him before he left the first time that he was going to find himself in the same box he put me into by leaving, and I added that I hoped he had a better understanding of God, when that happened, or he would never get out. And so I imagine the box is closing in on him and he is looking for release from my love, or as he sees it now, my curse. But there is nothing I can do. He should never have tried to free himself by using me as a stepping stone. At the time he was thinking it would be such a traumatic time for me that I would be more of a victim to what happened than a witness.
But now the time has come for me to pick up the sword of truth. and with heavy heart, drive it home.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Whole lot of lovin

I bought this dog as a present and he is so cute that I videoed him before I wrapped him up.

video

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Friendship creates energy


Since I spend so much time with animals I find I sometimes have trouble relating to people. So I try my luck at blogging with varying degrees of success. I often end up writing into the void which forces me to reach out from my comfort zone to find people who I don’t have much in common with. Like just the other day I commented on the blog of a successful saleswoman who said she was trying to help other woman find balance and success. Then she read one of my blogs and left a comment.




Her comment was only a few words, mostly just acknowledging the fact that she was there and that I seemed to be someone from a different planet. That assessment didn’t bother me because I get that reaction fairly often. What was interesting to me as I read deeper into her comment was my awareness of the effort she put into reaching me, just as I had made an effort to reach her. But our motives were entirely different.



Being a successful saleswoman had brought her to the realization that reaching out and touching anyone who appears in her conscious awareness creates energy which in turn can be turned into money or success as she likes to call it. This idea made me think of the welcome person at Walmart. Now the Walmart people are aware of the fact that if they pay a person to touch the mind of the people coming into the store, this person will create energy which they, in turn, can convert into money.



Now when I meet the welcome person at Walmart, I let myself be fooled into thinking he or she really likes me and I genuinely touch her mind back in a caring way. This gives me access to the energy created and it takes the whole situation out of the economic realm and more into the metaphysical realm. I always said that when I reach enlightenment, I’m going to become a welcome person at Walmart and be genuinely glad to see every person who comes through the door.



There is a point to this blog and I’m getting to it now. It’s so important to reach out and touch other people in friendship simply to partake of this sacred, created energy because another name for this energy is love and it should never be put on the open market. “Seek first the kingdom of God, and the rest will be granted.”

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Versatile Blogger Award

Seven things about me;

1.   I milk cows for a living and talk to animals

2.   I have had a religious experience.( although everyone I know calls it a break-down )

3.   I tend to go out with guys who are idiots.

4.   Where ever I go, I never fit in.

5.   Have trouble making other people understand where I'm coming from.

6.   Don't use a persons' gender to determine whether or not I will fall in love with them.

7.    Am always confronting my fears instead of running away from them.



   Now 7 people who should be awarded;

1.  A Wild Willow

2.  Weave Dreamer

3.  Coltin1948


4. Crazed Minx
5.  JoDyZvv0rLd

6.  Gelovsky
7.  Aaron Trotter

 Now even though I don't have to put in a weird story, I'm still going to do it anyway.  This is a story about my religious experience-nervous breakdown.  I'm sure it's weird enough.

A Willing Victim


I live and work on this dairy farm with my mom and step dad. Mostly my step dad is more a guru to me than a parent and over the years we have attained a high level of conscious awareness together. My biological father, however, is having his mental problems and mostly I go and live with him to help him out mentally as well as do a little work on the horse farm he owns.

This winter my bio father and I got into an argument and I left the ranch and found an apartment and started doing some part time work at McDonalds to make ends meet. Now I'm a very spiritual person and spend a lot of time meditating. Even at the best of times I don't have a lot of attachment to the material world or what most people call the real world. Then one day I found I couldn't break my" trance like" meditative state and was unable to interact with the reality that used to be me. I could view my real world as though I was looking through a thick distorted glass, but I couldn't make contact with it. Now I was able to overcome my fear of death and stay calm but I felt I was trapped on this astral plane type of existence which made me feel very isolated.




Then I became aware of another presence and when it touched my mind I knew it to be my step dad. He was able to leave the material plane and find me here in never never land. He told me that what was happening to me usually happened to someone just before the soul left the illusion of personality and body behind and reincarnated. He thought in my case I would eventually gain control of my body again without going through the messy process of death. In the meantime he explained that my soul was running my body for the purpose of healing my dad which is what I came here to do. In a sense I was a willing victim. And through his mind I could see what was happening to my body on my material plane of existence.






Monday, December 6, 2010

The continuing saga of the Duck


The continuing saga of the Duck


(you might want to read,” looking into the mind of a duck’, to catch up on the beginning of this adventure.)





Every time I would go to see the duck he would get very upset when I left him. He wanted to follow but didn’t want to leave the safety of the pond. So I figured he was lonely and called up a friend who I knew could get his hands on a female, mallard, duck. So I went over to his place and got the cage with the female duck inside. I brought the cage over to the pond where my duck was swimming around and let her go. She immediately swam over to him and at first he was a little afraid but eventually he got used to her and they became a unit. And for the next month he was one happy duck and she was very pleased with him and her new situation.



Then about a week ago, the temperature dropped to around 20 degrees and when I went to feed the ducks, the female was missing. There was a thin layer of ice on the pond so I thought maybe she was stuck somewhere. So I walked around the pond and I saw the trail of some animal on the ice which led to a hole in the ice. I figured something like a weasel had crawled out on to this very thin ice, jumped onto the female duck, and they both broke through the ice and drown. If the weasel had lived, he would have gotten the male duck to, but fortunately my duck went over to where I had been feeding him and waited for me to come back.



When I came back he jumped up on the bank and tried to tell me about the tragedy. He was covered with ice and shivering, so I picked him up, gave him a hug and brought him back with me to the barn. I couldn’t help thinking about Darwin’s survival of the fittest idea. Out of the three animals involved, only the duck who I had put my love and attention to survived. Maybe the element of love was the deciding factor here.



Anyway back to the story. The duck fit in well in the barn. He would follow me around when I did my chores and we would discuss his problems and options. He of course wanted to leave the barn but I didn’t think that was a wise decision. So we compromised and I took him for a little walk outside. And then to my amazement he took a running start, leaped into the air and flew off.



I figured if he could fly off he could fly back to if he wanted. But nevertheless I went to the brook in back of our house and found him there swimming around. He said he didn’t like the barn and wanted to stay in the brook. By this time I wasn’t sure if he really knew what was best for him but I certainly wasn’t going to wade out into the brook after him. So I left some feed and hoped for the best.



Well the best didn’t happen. The weather turned cold and we started to get lots of snow. I went everyday to visit him and give him the option of coming back but he didn’t want any part of my idea. Then today after more snow and a wind chill of around zero, I went to see how he was doing. Well most of the brook had frozen over except for the part the was running. My duck was in the current of the brook trying to keep himself from being dragged down stream. Things were getting serious here and I told him so. He had to shit or get off the pot real soon. But he wouldn’t come to the bank where I could get him so I had to say goodbye and started for the house. It was then that I heard a flapping sound and saw my duck fly out of the brook and land in about a foot of snow. He looked so funny with just his head sticking out of the snow. I ran over and picked him up and found there was a tear in my eye. That was such a leap of faith for him to trust that I would be there for him when he made himself completely helpless. Truly, the love of God materialized.