Sunday, October 27, 2013


 I bought my playstation 3 about two years ago now.  At that time I never played a game in my life and didn't know the first thing about gaming.  Mostly I was into trying to make some kind of contact with people.  You see I work on my parents dairy farm and relate more to animals than people, so I thought maybe a playstation could change that.  Well I did start relating to more people right away, unfortunately, most of the people I related to were horny, little boys.  That didn't quite do it for me.  But then I met someone more my own age and we became boyfriend and girlfriend.  This relationship made me very happy but I found out fast that it was very difficult to sustain a deep virtual relationship.  The virtual world, like the physical world, would go out of it's way to break us apart and finally we were separated.

  It's at this point that I tried playing video games.  At first it was extremely difficult for me to figure out how to play because the games were incredibly hard and required a lot of work on my part just to buy a game and learn how it's supposed to be played.  Since I make my living milking cows, I was good at figuring out solutions to problems in the material world and eventually this ability carried over into the gaming world.  So I put in a lot of work into developing my gaming skills over the next year.

  And so it was at this point that I got back in touch with the boyfrend  I got separated from at the beginning of my playstation experience.  We both knew that we stilled cared for each other but the hurt of separation was so bad that neither one of us had the courage to try it again until now.  I had found a game where two players, a guy and a girl, could play on line in a co-operative situation and I was finally at the point where I could play the game well enough to be a plus to whomever I played with.  And so we played this game together (he being an expert player) and all the work I put into learning how to game paid off in a wonderful gaming experience.

Monday, October 21, 2013

writing without attachment

   So I met this guy, Brad, and we hit it off right away on playstation home.  For me it was the feeling of falling in love.  I just let myself feel wonderful with this guy and I could feel how wonderful I made him feel too.  I found out that he was a kick boxer who had recently had a bad auto accident and now has pins and a plate in his leg which will stop him from doing what he does best to make his living.  It seems I am attracted to guys who are hurting and am able to heal them, at least mentally for awhile.  Anyway it was really nice until the other day when he was distracted and had to leave me to see another girl on playstation home.  I started coming down from my high and figured I would crash like I usually do when I let myself fall in love in this virtual world.
  But this time it was different.  A guy, Kent, who I have been in virtual contact with for over a year, showed up and told me how sorry he was for getting me upset the last time we were together.  He was being mean to one of my other male friends, probably because he was jealous, and I asked him to be nice but he said no, so I left him.  Now he regretted being such a jerk because he felt really bad knowing I was upset with him.  It was at that point that I understood how much Kent cared for me and he really did ease the pain of my recent feeling of being betrayed..
   Then Brad showed up, probably because the girl he left me for was just playing around with him, and wanted to pick up where we left off.  But my friend Kent was there and he went out of his way to be nice to my ex-lover, Brad.  I felt very touched that he would do that for me and told him so, which made him feel wonderful.  Maybe this is what love is really about.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Wednesday, March 27, 2013