Wednesday, December 29, 2010





I have a blog where I started this story about my relationship with David. Here is the link if you want to get updated; http://beherenow-suzzy.blogspot.com/2010/08/we-were-young-when-we-met-we-were-both.html#comments

So after he left I didn’t hear from him for two years before he came to visit. There were lots of people around when we finally saw each other again but that didn’t matter much to me. We just made this incredible contact and both of us fell into the rabbit hole while the people around us started doing their best to distract us from merging with each other. But we had spent almost 15 years living in each others’ mind and we both missed going to that special place where the magic happens. I told him that I owed him a debt that I could never repay. But he already knew that. We both needed certain things from the world at that particular time, which were crucial to our survival, and coming together like that was something that came natural to us when we had to materialize what we needed from the world. Finally we both came to the surface and went our separate ways again. And then, within a week of that meeting, the materialization we both needed happened for of us.

So it’s been another three years of not seeing him or hearing from him when the other day I get a letter from him telling me he’s coming for a visit. I can’t help thinking that there is something that he needs my help in materializing. But I have lived unattached to the surface for so long since he left that the world has nothing to offer me at this point. Besides, I don’t think it’s a material thing that he’s after. I’m sure by this time he’s found out that he can’t sell himself to the world the way he wants with my love still there, deep down inside his being.

I told him before he left the first time that he was going to find himself in the same box he put me into by leaving, and I added that I hoped he had a better understanding of God, when that happened, or he would never get out. And so I imagine the box is closing in on him and he is looking for release from my love, or as he sees it now, my curse. But there is nothing I can do. He should never have tried to free himself by using me as a stepping stone. At the time he was thinking it would be such a traumatic time for me that I would be more of a victim to what happened than a witness.
But now the time has come for me to pick up the sword of truth. and with heavy heart, drive it home.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Whole lot of lovin

I bought this dog as a present and he is so cute that I videoed him before I wrapped him up.

video

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Friendship creates energy


Since I spend so much time with animals I find I sometimes have trouble relating to people. So I try my luck at blogging with varying degrees of success. I often end up writing into the void which forces me to reach out from my comfort zone to find people who I don’t have much in common with. Like just the other day I commented on the blog of a successful saleswoman who said she was trying to help other woman find balance and success. Then she read one of my blogs and left a comment.




Her comment was only a few words, mostly just acknowledging the fact that she was there and that I seemed to be someone from a different planet. That assessment didn’t bother me because I get that reaction fairly often. What was interesting to me as I read deeper into her comment was my awareness of the effort she put into reaching me, just as I had made an effort to reach her. But our motives were entirely different.



Being a successful saleswoman had brought her to the realization that reaching out and touching anyone who appears in her conscious awareness creates energy which in turn can be turned into money or success as she likes to call it. This idea made me think of the welcome person at Walmart. Now the Walmart people are aware of the fact that if they pay a person to touch the mind of the people coming into the store, this person will create energy which they, in turn, can convert into money.



Now when I meet the welcome person at Walmart, I let myself be fooled into thinking he or she really likes me and I genuinely touch her mind back in a caring way. This gives me access to the energy created and it takes the whole situation out of the economic realm and more into the metaphysical realm. I always said that when I reach enlightenment, I’m going to become a welcome person at Walmart and be genuinely glad to see every person who comes through the door.



There is a point to this blog and I’m getting to it now. It’s so important to reach out and touch other people in friendship simply to partake of this sacred, created energy because another name for this energy is love and it should never be put on the open market. “Seek first the kingdom of God, and the rest will be granted.”

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Versatile Blogger Award

Seven things about me;

1.   I milk cows for a living and talk to animals

2.   I have had a religious experience.( although everyone I know calls it a break-down )

3.   I tend to go out with guys who are idiots.

4.   Where ever I go, I never fit in.

5.   Have trouble making other people understand where I'm coming from.

6.   Don't use a persons' gender to determine whether or not I will fall in love with them.

7.    Am always confronting my fears instead of running away from them.



   Now 7 people who should be awarded;

1.  A Wild Willow

2.  Weave Dreamer

3.  Coltin1948


4. Crazed Minx
5.  JoDyZvv0rLd

6.  Gelovsky
7.  Aaron Trotter

 Now even though I don't have to put in a weird story, I'm still going to do it anyway.  This is a story about my religious experience-nervous breakdown.  I'm sure it's weird enough.

A Willing Victim


I live and work on this dairy farm with my mom and step dad. Mostly my step dad is more a guru to me than a parent and over the years we have attained a high level of conscious awareness together. My biological father, however, is having his mental problems and mostly I go and live with him to help him out mentally as well as do a little work on the horse farm he owns.

This winter my bio father and I got into an argument and I left the ranch and found an apartment and started doing some part time work at McDonalds to make ends meet. Now I'm a very spiritual person and spend a lot of time meditating. Even at the best of times I don't have a lot of attachment to the material world or what most people call the real world. Then one day I found I couldn't break my" trance like" meditative state and was unable to interact with the reality that used to be me. I could view my real world as though I was looking through a thick distorted glass, but I couldn't make contact with it. Now I was able to overcome my fear of death and stay calm but I felt I was trapped on this astral plane type of existence which made me feel very isolated.




Then I became aware of another presence and when it touched my mind I knew it to be my step dad. He was able to leave the material plane and find me here in never never land. He told me that what was happening to me usually happened to someone just before the soul left the illusion of personality and body behind and reincarnated. He thought in my case I would eventually gain control of my body again without going through the messy process of death. In the meantime he explained that my soul was running my body for the purpose of healing my dad which is what I came here to do. In a sense I was a willing victim. And through his mind I could see what was happening to my body on my material plane of existence.






Monday, December 6, 2010

The continuing saga of the Duck


The continuing saga of the Duck


(you might want to read,” looking into the mind of a duck’, to catch up on the beginning of this adventure.)





Every time I would go to see the duck he would get very upset when I left him. He wanted to follow but didn’t want to leave the safety of the pond. So I figured he was lonely and called up a friend who I knew could get his hands on a female, mallard, duck. So I went over to his place and got the cage with the female duck inside. I brought the cage over to the pond where my duck was swimming around and let her go. She immediately swam over to him and at first he was a little afraid but eventually he got used to her and they became a unit. And for the next month he was one happy duck and she was very pleased with him and her new situation.



Then about a week ago, the temperature dropped to around 20 degrees and when I went to feed the ducks, the female was missing. There was a thin layer of ice on the pond so I thought maybe she was stuck somewhere. So I walked around the pond and I saw the trail of some animal on the ice which led to a hole in the ice. I figured something like a weasel had crawled out on to this very thin ice, jumped onto the female duck, and they both broke through the ice and drown. If the weasel had lived, he would have gotten the male duck to, but fortunately my duck went over to where I had been feeding him and waited for me to come back.



When I came back he jumped up on the bank and tried to tell me about the tragedy. He was covered with ice and shivering, so I picked him up, gave him a hug and brought him back with me to the barn. I couldn’t help thinking about Darwin’s survival of the fittest idea. Out of the three animals involved, only the duck who I had put my love and attention to survived. Maybe the element of love was the deciding factor here.



Anyway back to the story. The duck fit in well in the barn. He would follow me around when I did my chores and we would discuss his problems and options. He of course wanted to leave the barn but I didn’t think that was a wise decision. So we compromised and I took him for a little walk outside. And then to my amazement he took a running start, leaped into the air and flew off.



I figured if he could fly off he could fly back to if he wanted. But nevertheless I went to the brook in back of our house and found him there swimming around. He said he didn’t like the barn and wanted to stay in the brook. By this time I wasn’t sure if he really knew what was best for him but I certainly wasn’t going to wade out into the brook after him. So I left some feed and hoped for the best.



Well the best didn’t happen. The weather turned cold and we started to get lots of snow. I went everyday to visit him and give him the option of coming back but he didn’t want any part of my idea. Then today after more snow and a wind chill of around zero, I went to see how he was doing. Well most of the brook had frozen over except for the part the was running. My duck was in the current of the brook trying to keep himself from being dragged down stream. Things were getting serious here and I told him so. He had to shit or get off the pot real soon. But he wouldn’t come to the bank where I could get him so I had to say goodbye and started for the house. It was then that I heard a flapping sound and saw my duck fly out of the brook and land in about a foot of snow. He looked so funny with just his head sticking out of the snow. I ran over and picked him up and found there was a tear in my eye. That was such a leap of faith for him to trust that I would be there for him when he made himself completely helpless. Truly, the love of God materialized.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Finding Love




I grew up on a dairy farm with my mother and step dad. Mostly things were normal in my early years. My mom loved me and I loved her and we both worked very hard with my step dad to keep the dairy business running. At first I really wasn't all that happy living with a herd of cows. The hard work wasn't so bad after you got used to it, but what gave me the hardest time was going to school smelling like a cow. It would be terrible on the school bus when everyone would tease me and not come near me because I smelled so bad. I got in the habit of taking a bath everyday but all I had to do is step in the barn for morning chores and the kids on the bus and in school would know and make me feel like a freak.
You would think that after awhile they would get tired of picking on me for the same stupid reason, but noooo, the teasing went on forever with no end in sight.

So one morning while my step dad was filling up the manure spreader he happened to look my way and saw that I was crying. He asked why and I told him I really didn't want to face the kids at school today and I told him why. He then took my hand and led me to his pick-up truck and off we went to talk to the principal at school.

I did appreciate what he was trying to do for me but he still had on his farm clothes and his barn boots were thick with manure. But when we got to the school he took my hand and led me down the school corridor to the principal’s office. On the way the school kids went absolutely crazy holding their noses, making choking sounds and pressing themselves against the wall to get as far away from us as possible as we walked by. I was sure my step dad was leaving manure foot prints behind as we made our way to the principal’s office.

We opened the door and walked into a small receptionist room. When my dad shut the door behind us the smell of manure was so thick you could cut it with a knife, The secretary looked up from her paperwork with a look of horror on her face. My dad told her we were here to see the principal and she immediately got up, opened the door to the principal’s office, went in, and slammed it shut. I knew she was in there trying to figure out a way to get rid of us as fast as possible.

But then a strange thing happened. I was at the absolute lowest point of my entire life when I looked into my step-dads' eyes. He was looking at me and I could feel his love pouring into me and replacing all the pain I was experiencing. He was smiling and I could tell that none of what was going on in this school mattered to him at all. I was the only person who mattered to him. And then for the first time in my life I let myself love him back and smiled. He then took my hand and we left the school.

ject]"> The kids continued to tease me for awhile after that but it didn't seem to bother me anymore. And then a miracle happened. They stopped teasing me.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

I wandered around thumbing and walking until I got to upstate New York from Massachusetts. It was September and I was livingout of a tent most of the time. Then I found a place where I could pick apples and still live in the tent in the woods just outside the orchard. I would get up in the morning and make breakfast from a cookstove I carried with me and go to the orchard and start picking apples. At the end of the day the owner of the trees would count the bins of apples I picked and I would get paid by the bin. Now this is really hard work lugging a ladder around and climbing the apple trees with a bucket around your shoulders. But I seemed to need to hurt as much on the outside as I did on the inside to be able to stand the emotional pain I was experiencing at the time. My body got really tough by the time November came around(Irented a room by then and was out of the tent) and decided to follow the Jamaicans(the migrant workers who were picking with me) south to Florida to pick oranges. There was an orange bus in Florida that anyone could get on who wanted to pick oranges. I was the only white person on the bus but for once I wasn't the only female. The driver was this big black lady named Sally Mae and one of the pickers was a girl also. After she found out how well I picked fruit, Sally Mae took me under her wing and became my surrogate mother. She got me a place to stay and yelled at anyone who gave me a hard time. I remember her saying to everyone on the bus that I was one of them even if I was white. I really loved her. Sometimes we would stop at a place to pick up a picker and the picker wouldn't come out of his house because he was too hung over and Sally would send a couple of guys from the bus to drag him out of the house. I stayed with them until May when I got back in touch with my mom and she wanted me back on the farm to help with the cows.

Leaving Sally was hard and we hugged and cried a lot and promised to do it again but it just wasn’t meant to be.

Still feeding the Ducks


Sunday, November 21, 2010

Guys hitting on Me




I guess it’s all in how you handle it and what your tolerance level is. Like the guy that comes on,”Hi babe, You are really beautiful (most times I don’t even have my picture posted) and we should chat. Tell me about yourself.” I just have a really low tolerance for this particular brand of,’ come on’. I feel like I’m being interviewed for a job and have to meet the expectations of someone who I never even met.

I do respond to someone who approaches me intellectually but then again it usually turns out to be a ‘come on’ and the ultimate goal is to lure me into a date ( even if the guy is hundreds of miles away) Often times I indulge myself and the guy in sexually erotic banter, which just fuels his need to get his hands on me.
Sometimes I hang out with transsexuals, You know guys who dress and look like girls. They at least don’t hit on me, but they do seem to belong to a cult which excludes biological females for the most part.

But I don’t feel alone with this problem of relating to the opposite sex. Most of my girlfriends either relate to only their female friends or when they do try to relate to the male gender find the experience to range from ‘not too bad,’ to ‘really horrid’.
I don’t really see that getting married and having children is going to solve this problem. If you haven’t solved this problem before you get married, I don’t think you’ll solve it after getting married. Being married and having kids just makes it a 'do or die' situation. Maybe this is the only way to find the answer but to me it’s like jumping off of a cliff to see if you can learn to fly before you hit the ground.

So for now I keep a tight rein on my sexual urges so that I stay out of trouble. To be forced into a marriage and a family would be the ultimate bad move for me. So I learned to never make relationship mistakes.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Looking into the mind of a Duck

We have a small pond on our property and during this last summer I noticed that there is a lone duck living there. Every time I go by the pond I notice that he is still there swimming around and often times he would paddle over to where I am standing and look at me as if I were the answer to a problem he was having.

So the next time I passed by the pond I brought some bread along and threw it to him as he was swimming around in front of me. He got very excited and would go after each piece of bread I threw and gobble each piece up until all the bread I brought was gone. Then the next day I couldn't help thinking about him and felt compelled to go back with more bread. So this has become a part of my day, only now he jumps up on the bank when he sees me and eats the bread right out of my hand.

I look forward to visiting my little duck friend as much as he enjoys seeing me. But I sense that this contact is different from all the other contacts I have in my world. For one thing, all my contacts involve images. For example, I am in contact with people who project the image of a doctor or auto repairman or neighbor or even mother or friend. Then there is the possessive aspect to my contacts, like my mother or my friends and my cow or my horse and of course your mother or your horse or your dog. So I try to fit my duck friend into some possessive image but I can't really call him my duck just because he is swimming in my pond.

An animal belongs to the person who has raised it. But nobody supplied the heat to hatch the egg he came from. And nobody supplied the feed and shelter that kept him alive this long, so I came to the conclusion that this duck belonged to God. Then I thought of winter coming and wondered how he was going to survive the winter. I know what it takes to bring an animal through the winter and it seemed to me that God was not taking very good care of His duck if He expected me to help Him keep it alive this winter.

But then I thought of my life and what was keeping me alive through the winter. There was all the feed we made for the cows and a wonderful warm barn for them to take shelter in and the milk they would make and the money we would get for the milk. We could go to Walmart and buy all the things we needed which were produced by the people in China and I thought of our soldiers fighting on the other side of the world when suddenly I looked a little deeper and saw that everything was there and alive because God was there keeping my world alive in exactly the same way He was keeping this duck alive. And He loved the world of the duck as much as He loved me and my world.

And the mantra reverberated through my mind,"BE STILL, AND KNOW, I AM GOD.' I then left the world of images and possessions and entered the natural world of the duck in front of me and could feel Gods’ love giving us life.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Visiting the Ducks



Every morning I've been going out to feed a wild duck on a pond. Yesterday, a friend of mine sold me an adult, female, mallard duck which I brought to the pond and let her go. My male wild duck was very excited and I watched them court eachother and it made me smile at the beauty of the scene. So this morning I went to see how they were doing and took this picture.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

My Dream and resulting Date




This is not a very exciting dream but I am writing about it for two reasons. First I remember it so vividly and second I hardly ever dress-up for going out. But this dream started out with me in a room trying on a blouse that was kinda frilly and just came down below my bra(which I hardy ever wear) Then I noticed there was a man in the room who I didn't know so I left the room and went into my moms' room. I was looking for a low cut pair of panties so I could wear my jeans low and have plenty of exposure between the blouse and jeans. Finally my mom came in and found a pair of panties that would work and that made me happy in the dream.

Well after having that dream I knew I was in for a difficult time. My body was trying to tell me something I already knew but was trying to ignore. But now I felt like a cat in heat and I knew I was going to materialize a certain kind of situation whether or not I wanted to.

There is this guy who comes to the farm selling cow medical supplies and he has been trying to put the make on me since forever. So last Friday he came and could tell immediately I was in a vulnerable state and he laid it on pretty thick. I, for my part, flirted with him in a coy sort of way. The long and short of it was that he asked me out to a party the following night and I accepted.

Now this animal medic guy who asked me out doesn't come with the highest, moral standard rating, as my mom pointed out to me. She knows I'm pretty much an idiot when it comes to guys. In the heat of the moment I might just as well think,"Maybe it's time for me to become a mother." Understandably, she was a little worried but knew if I didn't make some kind of move soon, I might end up an old maid.

So last night the animal medic guy (Bob) showed up at my door and off we went to a party at one of his friends house. When we walked in, there were about twenty people with loud music playing and lots of alcohol being drunk, Typical party. Bob immediately left me to talk to his friends and he figured I would go join the company of the few girls that were there. But instead I saw a guy with long hair and a beard, sitting on the floor smoking a joint. So I sat down next to him and he offered me a hit and I took it. We started laughing and enjoying each others' company and then he asked why I was with Bob, who he considered a real ass hole. I told him sometimes you have to make a choice and all the options are bad.

Finally Bob found me again and told me we were going to his place. I said goodbye to my new friend and followed Bob out the door. At his apartment there was the usual kissing and grabbing and groping I've come to expect from men. But then in the heat of the moment, when it could have gone either way, I gave Bob a push and said, "I'm not that kind of girl." That surprised the hell out of him and me too.

He was drunk and looked at me trying to figure out if I was just fooling around or if I really meant it. For my part I was ready to defend my new found virtue and fight for it if necessary. In the end, Bob figured I wasn't worth the hassle and drove me home.

The last thing I said to him as I left the car was."it was real and it was nice but it wasn't real nice."

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


We were young when we met, we were both 16. At that time my mom, step dad and I were having a very hard time running the dairy farm. There was a lot of stress and things were looking bad until David showed up. Even at 16 he made a great difference in our lives and especially mine. He was as dedicated to the farm and the cows as I was and we would work together day in and day out. It was wonderful. I got to the point where I was so grateful that I would do anything for him. He had about 15 brothers and sisters so he didn’t get much attention growing up.

I remember going to Walmart with him and realizing that he had never been in a big store like that and started to get really nervous to the point where I had to take him outside. That’s how pure he was.

After a few years he got married and brought his wife to live on the farm too. But our relationship didn’t change. We were still dedicated to the cows and making the dairy work was the most important thing to us.

One night I dreamt that some kind of monster was attacking the farm and I tried to stop it but it was too strong for me and then David came and overcame the monster. But then as the monster ran away, he went after it and in the dream I had the feeling he wasn’t coming back. That killing this monster was his destiny.

Well the night before he left I woke up from a sound sleep because the house was filling up with smoke. Now I usually just sleep with a T-shirt and ran down to the wood stove in the basement without stopping to put more on. Our houses are connected in the basement and David had also smelled the smoke and came running down. It turned out to be just a stove pipe had come lose and it was soon fixed. But as we looked at each other I felt something I had never felt before. I felt for the first time that I wanted to give myself completely to a man. It didn’t happen of course but I guess I’m still waiting to feel like that again to the person I marry.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Fear comes in many flavors





My step dad sends me out this time of year to help other farmers in our neighborhood who don’t have enough help to get their hay in the barn. I work closely with an Amish work crew and we don’t mind helping out. But always with my step dad there is a metaphysical problem to be solved and the chore he sends me to do is only the vehicle to carry the problem into my awareness.




So this time the problem turned out to be two beef cows escaping because one of the Amish boys left the gate open. You have to understand that if you own an animal, and it escapes unto the road and gets hit by a car, you are totally liable. So that night I got a call from the farmer and he wanted me to help him round up his cows in the dark. This is surely mission impossible but I got my Amish boys together and off we went to see what could be done. The farmer was totally freaked and he wanted to shoot the cows when he found them so he couldn’t get sued if they caused damage to anyone. But I told him I didn’t think he was going to find them in the dark to do anything to them but we would be back in the morning to help him again.




Now in the morning I went up to the farmer and told him we would pay for the cows if we couldn’t get them back. But if I couldn’t correct this situation that I had a part in creating, then I was not coming back to help anymore either. If I couldn’t step into a situation and help, I wasn’t going to be a vehicle to add more pain to some body’s life. He was very sad about this because he didn’t think it was possible to get those cows back.




But we found the cows and after about 5 hours of chasing them around, there was only my mind and the mind of one of the Amish boys who hung in there with me, on the playing field. At that point there was no resistance to the materialization I wanted to see and it did happen. The cows ran back into the fenced pasture from where they came.




The cows symbolized everyone’s fears and those fears had to be dealt with before the situation stopped bringing pain to everyone involved. The lesson I was sent to learn was, never let fear do the materializing in your world.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Jury Duty


..
I got my notice to appear for jury duty one day. Now I have trouble with the idea of judging people even in the privacy of my own mind and find the idea of judging someone so they can be punished is beyond anything I wanted to involve myself with. But nevertheless I found myself in a court room listening to some person up front telling us the responsibilities of being a good juror. But when he came to the part which asked if anyone here had any reason to feel he or she would not make a good juror, I raised my hand. Well the person up front was not happy with me and asked me to join him for a little talk. I told him it was against my religion to do this juror number. So he made me follow him to the middle of the courtroom where the judge was talking to the defense attorney and the prosecuting attorney. My new friend reluctantly interrupted the judge and started to whisper to him while pointing at me. Finally the judge came over to me and asked me what the problem was. I told him I didn't think I could handle the karma of this situation. He said, what do you mean karma? So I started to spell the word out for him but half way through the spelling his face started to turn red and I could tell he figured out what I was talking about because he was having a difficult time controlling his temper. He pointed at the chair I came from and told me I'd better get back there. He didn't seem to want to hear anything else I had to say so I went back to my chair in the jury box. Then before the trial the prosecuting attorney was asked if he thought there was anyone on the jury who was unfit. Well he looked at me and then he looked at the judge and said be thought everyone was fine. I just shook my head and mumbled, Oh brother. But finally the defense attorney was asked the same question and he didn't look at anybody, he just pointed to me and said. "you're out of here". I got up and mumbled under my breath that I would like it if God didn't always wait till the very last second to make his move. I did not look at Mr Judge on my way out.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Writing into the Void


There was a time in my life when I would go out of my way to gross people out. Not anymore, it comes so natural for me that it's like breathing. Even when I try to be nice and say things that I know people want to hear, they still know I'm not one of them and they get together and do what they do best, judge people who are different.

The problem here is simple. Everybody runs around in a herd and there is a leader with everybody else in numbered slots. There is always room at the bottom slots for people like me. Now here's the thing that really scares everyone. The guy on the top makes the guy one level lower than him feel inadequate to him and down the line goes this feeling of inadequacy until it reaches me.

Everybody makes other people feel inferior so they can feel superior and so pass bad karma down the line to the bottom slots where it crushes the weaker minds who live down here and thus these weaker minds eat all the bad karma from the rest of the group.

But if you know in your heart of hearts that the whole game is not worth playing and the players don't understand what they are doing, than you only have to eat your own bad karma and the rest of the negative feeling you didn't eat starts it's way back up the line with everyone feeling the negativity they were trying to make others feel.

I am a karmic mirror and the world fears me because everybody is running away from their own bad karma.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Hippie Witch meets Vampire



I believe we are all taught to think in a box. We never really have serious thoughts that are out of the box. Really thinking that vampires exist is thinking out of the box. A hippie witch is always having out of the box thoughts. If a hippie witch decided to prove that vampires exist, this is what would happen.
First off she would become single minded with the purpose to prove at least to herself that vampires exist. As she gets consumed by this thought the people in her life who only have in the box thoughts start to fade from her awareness. If she is at school her grades will suffer until she has to leave school. At home her parents will try to get her psycological help and maybe some kind of drug to get her mind thinking back in the box. But nothing seems to stop her single minded purpose.
She has to leave home and finds a job at Mickey D's flipping hamburgers and still gets rejected by the in the box thinking people around her. Then she finds herself on the side of the road some rainy night wondering why she is feeling so much pain when a car stops and the driver asks her if she wants a ride. She says no because there's no place to go, all the places are the same.
"Then come for a ride and dry off a little," replies the driver, who is very handsome and seems to have the obvious intention on his mind. But at this point it doesn't matter to the hippie witch and she gets in the car. They go to his apartment and she gets out of her wet cloths and is wearing only his bathrobe when they start to make love.
Then suddenly he is biting into her neck and drawing blood out of her body. As he drains more and more blood out of her, the angel of death starts to appear in her minds' eye and the pain of being alive starts to fade as the angel of death comes to take her away.
Meanwhile back in the mind of the vampire, he too sees the angel of death but to him she is not beautiful. He starts to feel all the fear and pain he's inflicted on others in his life as a vampire and is not ready to embrace her at this moment and so stops his feeding and rolls off of hippie witch in an attempt to stop his mental torment.
Hippie witch now realizes that the angel of death is going to leave without her and maybe getting laid, even with a vampire, may not be such a bad idea after all. Maybe he could learn to see her as a lover rather than somebody to feed off of. It seems like the same problem she's always had with men who weren't even vampires.



But time is running out before the sun comes up for hippie witchs' vampire so he must leave and deal with hippie witch some other time. Hippie witch wakes up alone and starts getting dressed and is almost out the door when she runs into this strange dude with a chauffeurs' uniform on complete with cap. He explains that master vampire has assigned her to him for safe keeping until sunset when he will rise again. In the meanwhile he explains to her, he will transport her where ever she wants to go in the Jaguar convertible parked outside. This sounds much better than walking to hippie witch so they jump in the bright red jag and off they go.
"Where to miss?" the chauffeur inquirers.
"I think I should check in with my parents to see how upset they are," she responds. "By the way do you have a name?" she asks.
"You can call me Fred if you like, miss..."
"And you can call me Irsis if you like, Fred."
So off go hippie witch and Fred down the road until they reach Irsis's house. Hippie witch is a little nervous about going in knowing they may throw her out again so she asks Fred if he has any money. Fred takes out a leather bag from under the seat and asks her how much she needs.
"I thought if I laid some bread on them it might sweeten the reunion. How much can you spare?"
"As much as you want, miss, I would think ten grand would do the trick here."
Hippie witch almost passes out as Fred lays the money on her and they head for the door. Nobody is glad to see her as she walks into the living room.
"I thought you left for good, young lady," her father bellows.
"We were so worried about you dear," her mother whines.
"I guess you guys forgot that I was thrown out," she replies.
But as usual everyone is feeling so sorry for themselves that they don't pay her any mind, until she whips out the cash. That gets their attention and suddenly she becomes their darling daughter again.
"You didn't steal it did you?" her dad wants to know after the initial shock wears off.
"Or did you make it on one of your shady drug deals?"
"I love you too, dad," responds hippie witch. "Neither, I have a new boy friend and he is filthy rich. Fred here works for him, he can tell you."
So Fred verifies the fact that his master is very wealthy and assures them that the money is legal. Irsis' mother tells her to be sure to invite her new boy friend over for a meal sometime, and hippie witch mumbles under her breath, don't tempt me, and heads back to the Jag with Fred in tow.
"Ok Fred lets go back to my dorm at school, I have to pick up a few things there."
On the way Irsis asks Fred if he has to wear that chauffeurs' uniform all the time and Fred answers no, so they stop at the next country and western store they come to and buy Fred a whole new outfit of cowboy cloths. Complete with ten gallon hat, and chaps. On their way through the dorm everyone is just blown away by Freds' new image.
When she opens the door to her room there are six of her friends sitting around blowing off a joint. Everyone is surprised to see Irsis cuz they figured surely she was dead in the water when she left, but rumors of her demise were highly exaggerated. Fred has some weed of his own and passes it around and everyone tells him how much they love his cowboy outfit. Only they don't think Fred is the right name for a cowboy and so start calling him Tex.
"Do you have a girl friend Tex?" asks one of Irsis friends?
"I don't do sex," Tex responds.
"Everybody does sex," they all respond at once.
"Not me," he replies again.
To prove their point one girl starts nibbling on Texs' ear while another starts to undo the pearl buttons on his cowboy shirt. Everyone is getting terribly excited when suddenly Tex disappears into thin air and two of the girls start screaming at the top of their lungs.



So Irsis figures it won't be long before the police shows up and start asking embarrassing questions with everyone running around screaming their fool heads off. She knew that Fred was a weird dude but had no idea he was that weird. Out on the street she looks around and finds a local bar named Carters and remembers her vampire friend mentioning that name. Maybe they know Fred and can help me find him. So she heads for the bar.
She walks in and finds a seat at the bar. She's not too sure what her next move is going to be when this strange guy sits down beside her. He says he's the owner of the bar and asked her how her boy friend Fred is doing.
"He's not my boy friend and how the heck do you know about Fred anyways?"
Well Carter, the owner of the bar, explains how he and Fred and his vampire employer go back a long way.
"In fact, Freds' vampire friend owes me for sucking dry one of my hookers the last time he stopped in here," Carter lamented.
Irsis could certainly identify with that scenario.
"I figure a life for a life. And here comes my payment now."
Just then two of Carters' men came crashing through the back door of the casino holding a battered looking Fred between them.
"Hey boss, look what we found outside," said one of the men.
Carter looked Fred square in the eyes and asked him if he was ready to pay the price for being the fall guy to a vampire. Fred was too beat up to say anything so Carter told his boys to take him out back and put a bullet in him where it would do the most good. Irsis screamed no and started toward Fred but Carter held her back until she heard that fatal shot from out back.
She ran out the door to find Fred laying in a pool of his own blood. Now unknown to anyone, Irsis's mother was a white witch who brought her daughter, Irsis, up in the fine art of witchcraft. Irsis, however, told her mother she would never resort to using her occult power but seeing Fred bleeding to death changed her mind. She had done some metaphysical healing with her mother but nothing this serious.
"As one may swiftly unravel a large piece of kniting simply by drawing one loose thread out of it, so to Fred had began to come undone. Catching up the thread and rolling it up does not restore the garment. Yet as I plunged through the maelstrom of his random thoughts, I reached for him, snatching at the threads of him, gathering and grasping them even as I sought frantically for their ever diminishing heart and source. I found myself in strong death currents now, and I held myself intact. He was being torn apart, shredding rapidly in the clawing flow of sentience. To call him back, I would have to risk myself, but in the short time I had known the guy I felt a strong connection to him.What I felt in return from him was like a questioning echo as if he could barely recall who he had been but moments before. I netted him out of the tangled flux, sieving the threads of him and keeping them whilst letting the others flow through my perception of him. The tapping of my thought was a heartbeat for him, and a confirmation. Then for a time I held him, steadying him,and finally felt him come back to himself. Swiftly he gathered to his center threads that I had not perceived as being part of him. I was a stillness around him, helping to hold the thoughts of the world at bay while he re-formed himself. And Fred opened his eyes and smiled at me."